Breaking: ABC Terminates Jimmy Kimmel, Halts His Late Night Program, ‘His Humor Matches a Funeral’

ABC decided to bid farewell to Jimmy Kimmel, declaring his comedic prowess as “funeral-worthy.” The network executives, in an unexpected burst of honesty, proclaimed, “His humor is so side-splittingly dull, it’s practically a eulogy waiting to happen.” As Kimmel’s late-night show faces cancellation, it seems the laughter has flatlined, leaving audiences wondering if they should send sympathy cards or condolences for the demise of comedic wit on ABC’s stage.