Breaking: Alyssa Milano Says ‘Elon Musk Ruined My Life And Career’

It all began innocently enough, Milano recalled, on a sunny day in Los Angeles. She was at a vegan coffee shop (naturally), reading a screenplay on her sustainable bamboo tablet, when a barista handed her a coffee meant for another customer. Upon realizing the mistake, she turned around to find that the coffee was intended for none other than the SpaceX and Tesla magnate himself. Milano, apparently not aware of who Musk was at the time, returned the coffee with a casual, “I think this soy-free, almond milk macchiato with a hint of organic cinnamon is yours.”

Musk, ever the gentleman, thanked her with a nod and went about his day. But according to Milano, that chance encounter set off a chain of events that have now ruined her life and career.

The macchiato incident, Milano mused, might have jinxed her. The next day, her Keurig malfunctioned. “Do you know how traumatic it is to have coffee explode all over your kitchen?” she asked her followers. “And the worst part? The Keurig was a gift from… Elon Musk. Or at least, I think it was him. Or maybe it was my aunt. But the point is, it’s all connected.”

To make matters more interesting, Milano revealed that she had once considered buying a Tesla. She had even scheduled a test drive. But the car never showed up. “Do you think it’s a coincidence? Or is it Elon, working in the shadows, making sure I never get behind the wheel of one of his electric contraptions?”

Her most shocking revelation, though, was about SpaceX. Milano was certain she was going to be the first celebrity to be sent to space by Musk’s company. “I had my outfits planned. I had even written a song for the occasion. But did I get an invite? No. Instead, they sent a car. A CAR!”

The actress also linked Musk to the LA traffic that made her late for a yoga class last month. “He’s digging tunnels under the city,” she said, referring to Musk’s Boring Company, “and who knows what he’s up to down there? Maybe he’s building a whole underground world where he controls everything. Including traffic lights!”

Perhaps the most far-fetched part of Milano’s accusations is that she believes Musk’s tweets are responsible for her cat’s strange behavior. “Every time he tweets, Mr. Whiskers goes wild. It’s like he’s sending secret signals to pets everywhere.”

Alyssa Milano’s claims against Elon Musk are, to say the least, outlandish. But in a world where news cycles are dominated by the most outrageous headlines, and where reality often feels more surreal than fiction, it’s hard to tell where the line is drawn.

It’s worth noting that Elon Musk, usually quick to respond to any mention of his name on social media, has remained surprisingly silent on Milano’s accusations. Perhaps he’s too busy working on his next revolutionary project or maybe, just maybe, he’s sitting somewhere sipping on a soy-free, almond milk macchiato with a hint of organic cinnamon, musing about the unpredictable twists and turns of life.